I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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