how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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