You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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