he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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