There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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