sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
