I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
