the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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