There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
