1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
