cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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