I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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