I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My ATM looks so different sober.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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