Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
