marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
