in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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