hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm really busy with my period
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