My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
