you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
