Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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