drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
