I wish my penis had an off switch
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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