In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I won the penis lottery.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
