you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
