the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
