I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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