Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
