quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Randomize
