Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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