I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
