Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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