last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
