When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
