You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
