I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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