i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
