What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
