Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
