and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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