I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
