I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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