I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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