I am midnight drunk by noon
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Mom said you looked used
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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