So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
