i love accidental penises.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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