Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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