You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
