you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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