You work out of a Hotel?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
