bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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