I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
