pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
