I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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