He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
