Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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