i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
