I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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