we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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