Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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