I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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