@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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