i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
