she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
