If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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