just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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