the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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