I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
