There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
