You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
being pregnant is like rehab
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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