You just made me feel so damn special
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
