Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
last night I used snow as a chaser
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
