so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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