do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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