i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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