I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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