i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
