just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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