bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
