remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
