I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
