so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
