I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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